The changing world of me, myself and I
Since about 2009 I started to use Vee Jay as my name online. It was to hide away yet stay present in the new separated world, from my ex, his father and his other family members. He and his father had hurt me by stalking and commenting negatively on places where my real name was used, to belittle me, to put me down and to take my power away. At that time it was fear, it was loneliness and desperation for connection. Over the time, it became privacy and need to hide away from patients in the professional world. I started to see myself as Vee more than Vimmi. I always had hard time with it but it was the only way to hide yet stay not isolated.
Past few months, the lessons universe is showing are telling me to take my power back and to start to write under the name of Vimmi Jaggi. I tried to write as Vim as I used to write poetry with, but didn’t find that easy either. If I’m being truthful, I still feel so much fear that I shut down if I’ve to use my real name. I shut down to the point that I don’t even write and ignore my needs. Over the years writing truly has been becoming hard because I feel I’m hiding, which I suppose I was but I wasn’t comfortable with hiding at all. Today I ignored the urge to write as well and it kept bothering me hence I’m writing this.
Survivors of violence often are belittled by others because we are ‘not behaving normal’ or ‘acting strange’ or similar thought process. Our power is taken away for being who we are. My reasons were super personal then but now they’re becoming or seeming to be connection and resonation to many survivors who have been violated in various levels but especially because of their gender or sexuality. I fight against gender based violence on a daily basis. It is also part of my profession and it is part of my being. I am hoping that one of you, some of you or all of you would stand against violence against women, gender based violence and violence against those who can’t be themselves. Would you? How would you do it? Come fight with me. Today is a good day to begin. Wouldn’t you join me?
Vimmi Jaggi
19:41
12/12/21
P.S. still scared to use my full and real name but I’m trying. Yes, my real name is Vimmi Jaggi. I hope I won’t judge myself and would love if you won’t judge me either. Thank you.
